(written: 30 October 2003)
*Opens a cool refreshing bottle of Steinlager*
One thing I really truly hate, hate, HATE, is when television advertising tries to be deep and meaningful when they're selling like... makeup remover or margarine.
You should buy our product because our advertising campaign centres on something that doesn't actually have ANYTHING to do with what we sell, but tricks you into thinking we're selling something important!
LOOK! Cute children and happy families and bright blue eyes. Of course! Margarine! I don't want a family or a fluffy yellow dog! I WANT A SANDWICH!
What's that? Makeup remover will make me happy AND special AND beautiful? Why? Because it's WHO YOU ARE! Wow. That girl sure does look sincere. And she's way more beautiful without any makeup on! Nevermind that she still HAS makeup on! WOW! OHMIGOD! OHEMGEE!
That girl is unhappy. Gosh darn it she's damn near suicidal! What should she do? Should she talk to someone? Maybe pop some pills? Or maybe... yes.. a glass of orange juice oughta chase those pesky trendy teenage blues away. Why didn't Freud think of that? Oh yes. Penises.
Vagina.
You know apparently motherhood is really rewarding... and wrinkles aren't something to be ashamed of, they're something to celebrate. Celebrate today with a nice tall frosty glass of soy milk.
Yes, it really hit the bottom of the barrell... scraping it with the rusty steel blade of a disposable razor (because you're special and you deserve hairfree legs even though your boyfriend neglects you)... when they played a sequence of things every women should do in a lifetime. I'd received that annoying email several times in the form of forwards. You know the one. Every woman should own a lacey black bra and a power drill... etc etc. Well add some trippy graphics and schmultzy music... YOU HAVE YOURSELF A YOGHURT AD! Has it really come to that? The advertising execs wife said "ooh honey you have to see this email..."... And what about men? Don't they eat yoghurt and wear bras too?