(written: 11 October 2003)
When I was about 6 I had a hankering for chocolate milk, but we didn't have any. What did I do? I took a meat tenderizer and smashed the hell out of a bunch of chocolate tiny teddy biscuits. Then I mixed them into my milk. It tasted like teddy death and garden mulch and I wasn't too gutted when I spilled it all over the carpet.
Oh wait.. yes I was because I had to clean it up and I had a feeling I'd get yelled at for using a meat tenderizer to create "chocolate powder". So I got the dust buster and...
I did. It's true. I sucked up the milk and smushy cookie into the dust buster.
And the mess was gone... until not too long afterwards the dust buster started to smell like dog vomit. Infact, my parents were convinced someone had tried to vaccuum up dog vomit.
But see... THAT would be disgusting.
I used to wash my Barbie's hair regularly. I also used to give my My Little Pony (Glory.. the pony no one else had heard of... sigh. My friend had Cherries Jubilee. Lucky punk) a wash every now and then. I used this big bottle of shampoo clearly kept from the 70s. It was mucus green and said "for dry hair". So of course I took that to mean it was to be put on dry hair. Until the day I tried washing my own hair with it. It was like being slimed by that Ghost Busters... slimey... ghost... who's name probably involved the word "Slime" somehow. Or Peter. Or both. It's been a while since I saw those movies. Anyway, afterwards when you squeezed Glory, lots of soapy smelly water came gushing from her ... "scalp". Barbie however was a lot less lucky. Her head ended up being waterlogged and eventually pushed down until she had no neck.
I also had a tiny child sized washing fold out clothes line and of course tiny doll sized clothes. I used to wash them regularly too because I thought my dolls were sweaty.
A friend of mine lived on the hill behind us when I was that age. We used to spend our weekends making "Magic Potions". This tended to involve wasting a lot of perfume and food colouring. And rocks. And sticks. They never actually worked though and inevitably ended up down the drain, the lunchbox "caldron" empty for the next attempt. I don't think I'm a witch.
What all this has to do with pop-culture or whatever is beyond me. I blame my stupidity on the media. Yes that'll do. The MEDIA.
So. Damn you media.