Cat Power ~ Good Woman
Ordinarily I am drawn to songs that I can relate to on some level lyrically. Songs that I can twist if need be to fit into my own personal storyline. Even if throughout the whole song there is only one sentence that grabs me. Those songs are the ones I play for people and then say about 20 seconds too early "OH OH I LOVE THIS LINE! No no... not that one... it's coming... here... ... nearly... THERE!" Because I am one of life's winners.
Anyway, I bought You Are Free on vinyl earlier this year because I had held it so many times and wondered what it sounded like, but had never parted with the pingers to make it mine. Instead I wasted my money on early Bright Eyes. Yeesh.
My secret shame is that having only heard Chan Marshall's voice once before, when I put the needle down on the only song I could see crediting "E.V." (Evolution) and his voice came through deep and clear, and hers squeaky and Joanna Newsom-y, I didn't realise for a while that the record player hadn't switched over to the right speed. Then I recalled where I had heard her before... singing War Pigs with the Flaming Lips at Austin City Limits and I knew something was wrong because I recalled her voice being quite sexy indeed. So yeah. Shame. My first real listen to Cat Power and I fucked it up.
The next day, having already discovered my stupidity I settled down on the couch and put the album on from the start. It was raining and freezing cold and a Sunday to boot. Pretty depressing. Track 3 started. A weather matching fuzzy sounding guitar and strings. And the echoey children's voices along with the incredibly beautiful haunting sad voice of Chan had tears stinging my eyes.
I sat still and stared at Black Betty (yeah I named my record player) in awe. How could one song be so breathtaking? How could one song be so perfect?? How could my heart handle so much beauty. Like that creepy kid from American Beauty with the plastic bag and his imploding heart...
Then that familiar voice... like an symphonic hug, stretched out from Black Betty and ran his fingers through my hair.
I was floored. Literally. I crawled across the room and dropped the needle back to the beginning of the song and wept like... like... some weirdo emo kid.
I think I listened to Good Woman about 200 times over the following few weeks. I listened to it in the dark at night in bed. I listened to it at work, staring wistfully at the spot located just to the left of my computer screen. I listened to it while driving along the straight stretch of the motorway where there are no street lights to light my face up for passing motorists as I sang along at the top of my lungs. And I listened to it around others... making pretty much everyone who crossed my path listen to it too.
But getting back to the point I was trying to make when I struggled with the intro.
See, this song means little to me lyrically in the way that I cannot relate to the main theme of the song. But I WANT to relate.
I will miss your heart so tender. And I will love this love forever...
We're fine up until this point. This is true.
This is why I am lying, when I say that I don't love you no more...
Seriously. A large part of me wishes I had the balls to say that. But whether or not I would ever even get the chance to say it and whether or not I'd think it would do my situation any good is kinda up in the air. I kinda wish I had a reason to say it. Or that someone would listen long enough to hear it. But I really don't think I ever could. I'm a very forgiving person for all the wrong reasons.