(written: 3 October 2003)
While our opinion pony may well be malnourished to the point where we could be facing charges and a possible grim life in jail for negligence, I feel it's important to point out that sometimes the opinion pony only leads to resentment and anger and pipe bombs. When the opinion pony mates with the list pony, not only is it incestuous, but it leads to satanic little spawn-beasts roaming around sucking all the goodness out of the soil.
For example, in the last few issues of New Zealand music magazine, Rip It Up, they have put "50 most..." lists in there, ranging from "50 Albums that should NEVER have been made" to "50 Unsexiest people in music". Because it's in such a well known and glossy magazine, it could be seen as gospel and not just some schmuck's opinion. Because there isn't much in the way of a "this is only opinion" disclaimer, feelings will be hurt and feathers will be ruffled.
I mean really. Chris Cornell. Unsexy? Their reasoning - he's sitting down in the Like a Stone video which means he has a chip on his shoulder. Gavin Rossdale is in there too because he looks like a... cocker spaniel. The ladies list includes Shakira and J-Lo... a backlash against the whole "el nino" phenomenon? Hehehe. Sorry. I've been watching Bridget Jones again...
However, Mike Hucknall, or "Simply" as Dawn calls him, making it to the top of the list is a fair comment. Unsexier than Michael Jackson though? I'm sorry but is that possible? Betty White is sexier than Jacko.
On to another issue... the 50 albums that never should have been made. In here we find a list of albums not by well reknowned crap artists. Instead we have well respected and adored musicians blasted for, and I quote... "insist[ing] on dragging their reputations and our ears through a muddy hedge". Hmm.
What's on the list I hear you cry????! Well... how about Loyal by Dave Dobbyn? Reason? Because Loyal got overplayed some 15 years later. REM's Monster. Shihad's self titled masterpiece. Foo Fighters' There is Nothing Left to Say. Most painful of all for me... Yield... Pearl Jam's 1998 effort and my personal favourite album. How can these HEARTLESS BASTARDS SLEEP AT NIGHT?!??!
You've really got to wonder how a magazine such as this can be so judgemental when it's the biggest corporate whore since Britney Spears. Faced with the decision of what to put on the latest cover, REM, despite having conducted a wonderful interview with Dawn, were tossed aside without consideration for being "too wrinkley". Instead Britney herself got the cover, with the headline "Admit it. You'd do her" and an article detailing her sexual exploits or whatever with Fred Durst. Yet they have the gall to use a slogan... "Music Matters". Actually I notice that this latest issue doesn't have that anymore. Maybe even they couldn't consciously put such a lie on the cover.
Back when Rip It Up had some integrity you could get their monthly edition for like.. a dollar. Now it's very glossy and only comes out every second month, yet oftentimes lacks any substantial reading material. And the money making machine nabs itself another victim. Creator Murray Cammick would be rolling in his grave if he was dead. He probably just rolls around in bed.
Hehe. Rowr!