(written: 23 September 2003)
Cutting back on the lists? I love lists! LOVE! LISTS! LOVE! THEM! OH! YES! DUFF MAN IS THRUSTING AWAY FROM THE PROBLEM!
So lets talk about the 1980s.
You step backwards and shake the greasy rockstars off your legs. You're in the 80s. Everything is in "neon" Comic Sans and it smells like pot pourri air freshner. You're fantasizing about stepping into a comic strip world and saving your shiny faced, mulleted rockstar boyfriend from evil cartoon motorcyclists! You've got fingerless lace black gloves and there's no such thing as TOO MUCH BLUE EYESHADOW!
Oh what a world. When Saturday morning cartoons were worth dragging your arse out of bed for. To snuggle into your duvet on the floor with your Butterbear so she can see her and her friends in the Wuzzles cartoons. You remember those mornings. You were there. You were wearing a long green Rainbow Bright nightie. It complimented your fringe.
So... no-lists be damned!
My top 5 list of shit from the 80s. Bear in mind, I was a child.
Carebears
Yes. You know me. You know that all my life I piiiined for my own carebear. You know that up until I met a knight in shining armour I was carebearless. Then Kam gave me the gift that keeps on caring, Bedtime Bear. Yesterday morning I was swept back in time as I lay in a hotel room watching TV. The Carebears cartoon. Actually a fairly crappy show, it still embodied all that was wholesome and wonderful about the 1980s for a kid growing up then. It was actually the first movie I saw with my mum. She still complains about being dragged to that. Probably... this explains why she hates BedtimeKammyBear so much. Special mention goes to the other lovely bears, the gummi bears. Drug problems (the bouncing??? YES. I'm on to you...) ruled them out.
Scooby Doo
Oddly enough it didn't affect this placing. Like the Carebears, I have a little Scooby Doo toy. He wears a pink boa because he's gay. No... not gay. Just festive. Scooby Doo and the gang taught us that no matter how much of a drop kick loser you are, you can still catch "ghosts". It also gave us comfort that ghosts in the area were being sorted out and and and FOILED! It taught us that even if you were a homely redhead with glasses you could still hang out with cool stoners, hot jocks and babes... and great danes. And if there was ever a time that you needed this kind of reassurance, it was the 80s. The 80s, when old people were evil, especially when they owned amusement parks.
The Golden Girls
But not all old people. Rufus Wainwright shout-outs aside, who didn't delight in the "adventures" of our 4 favourite Miami biddies? Rose was sweet, caring and slightly dim. Dorothy was assertive and manish. Blanche was a raging slut. Sofia was crafty and cheeky. And then Empty Nest came along and you said "OH MY GOD! THESE PROGRAMMES ARE CROSSING OVER! THIS IS LIKE REAL LIFE!" and you hoped the bingo nights and general mayhem never ended.
The Cosby Show
Wow. A successul black family. I love how I didn't even notice this... "phenomenon" until E!'s True Hollywood Story pointed out the BIG DEAL SURROUNDING IT. Who didn't want to BE Denise? Ladies? Who didn't want a husband like Alvin. Oh yes. Everyone. Heh. When didn't you learn a valuable life lesson? And not in the schmultzy Full House kind of way. Bill Cosby was the funniest man alive and he added potato chips to everything. The perfect husband. Claire was so lucky. It's just too bad they named their daughter Rudy.
Sesame Street
Barkley! Big Bird! Luis! Maria! The black bald guy! The count! Snuffy! Sesame Street had EVERYTHING! It even taught North America Maori! I thought Sesame Street was a New Zealand show as a result. It's probably odd, but my favourite character was Oscar's pet worm Slimey. I think he overcame so much adversity to become the worm that he is today. An inspiration.
I totally lost the flow of this before I started. In case you didn't realise those aren't so much my top 5... as the first 5 things I thought of. Heh. I cheated! I lied! I'm such a badass! ASS!
Sorry.
My bad.
Honourable mentions go to WWF wrestling, Loony Toons, Allanah Myles and NKOTB.